Selfish

We've been talking about humility a lot in choir. It's been said that humility flows into service, which flows into sacrifice, which flows into worship, which finally flows into love. We're about to go on choir tour for spring break, so it's essential that we have loving and humble attitudes. Someone said during chapel that humility is not thinking little of yourself, but it is thinking little of yourself. Basically, humility is not thinking you are a horrible person, because you're still thinking about yourself. Humility is not thinking about yourself, it is thinking about God, and others. Not contemplating them, but putting them before yourself. Thinking about looking out for them before looking out for yourself. It comes from a love for God, and it flows into a love for God.

Humility is putting others before yourself. When you do that, you will be serving them. Service doesn't exist without sacrifice. When you give up your time, you are sacrificing. Sacrificing is what Christ did, therefore it is living like Him. Living like Christ did is living a life of worship. And when you worship God, you are loving Him. And if you are loving God, you are loving others.

Now, I'm not talking about the noun love. I mean the verb. The love that requires action to be. This love is the love that says, "I'm tired, but she needs someone to talk to, so I'll stay up." It's the love that gives up it's seat. It's the love that can only come from God, because He is the perfect essence of that love. I used to think God loved us a little more each day. Then I realized, that as cute of an idea, it was impossible. See, for God to love us more He'd have to have loved us less. So I came to the conclusion that God loves us wholly and completely. He could never love us more than He does right now. If He could, He would be acting outside of who He is. He would not be acting as God. And all we have to do to is ask Him for that love to help us to love others. He'll give it to us, even if it's just by giving us the opportunity to love others.

Lately, I have been doing a bad job at loving. I've been selfish. And if humility is not thinking about yourself, then selfishness is the opposite of humility. And sort of the opposite of love. I didn't even realize that I'd been so selfish. And I was too busy with it to realize someone was trying to tell me what I was doing. Basically, I screwed up. And now I have to figure out how to forgive myself. It's not an easy thing to do. I'll let you know how it turns out.

I worked on wedding plans today. It was a lot of fun. I found someone to play the acoustic guitar during the ceremony, and looked at music for the ceremony and the reception. Also looked at different flowers and reception decorations. I'm really enjoying it. We're thinking of having paper lanterns, kanji table cloths, and other fun things. :)

Also, I'm not angry anymore. Or at least not as angry as I was. I guess what it really was was the fact that I can't stand being confused. And I was definitely confused. So, knowing that I was confused helped me not to be confused. Which in turn helped me not to be angry. YAY NOT ANGRY!

Anyway....

I'm going to be singing a song called "Duetto Buffo di Due Gatti". That means "Comic Duet for Two Cats." The entire song consists of me and the other "cat" meowing. It's really fun. And we get to sing it with the local symphony orchestra. I'm really excited! I've never had this opportunity before, and I'm so glad I made the audition.

I want to paint. But I need more materials. Namely I need more paper for it. Cause I'm running out. And it's expensive. I like painting. It's fun. I'm not nearly as good as my sister, who happens to be an artist of sorts, but I still have lots of fun with it.

kbai!

Samantha